Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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