At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
