get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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