I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
