We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
