I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
