Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
