dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
