Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
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When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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