Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so let's talk penis.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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