it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
