Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
