I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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