i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize