i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
