I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
