Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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