I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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