whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just pee around me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
