I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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