Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..