Who did Billy Mays play for?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sobbing to NWA
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
