my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro