Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.