Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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