Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
