I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
