i jhust puked up my retainher.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
