brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
