i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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