Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
