She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
accomplished twins. life is a go
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.