You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.