So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize