dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Come share oat with me in your robe
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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