Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
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I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today