What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No I am not eating basil off your cock
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
