Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
