i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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