my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
