Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
