I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
