We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
