go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
