I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
