OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
