Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
