Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize