I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
