never play flip cup with pint glasses
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
His nipple licking is glorious
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
