You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
