this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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