well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
