i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
