i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am available for nakedness
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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