when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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