I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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