Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
