I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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