Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
