Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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