yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
