She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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