If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
false alarm, still single
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