question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
