Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
