i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
