and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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