This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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