so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
