the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
