So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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