I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
