pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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