Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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