I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
