I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
