i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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