Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She told me I should be a condom model.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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