clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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