I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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