Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
