Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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