I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
