I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
