I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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