I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
