Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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