In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
