U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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