My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize