i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
