I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
