i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
